My husband had a ';fling'; with my brothers wife, now what?

Long story short....About a year and a half ago, my husband of 8 years, and my brother's wife had a little ';fling';. I don't want to say affair, because it was once and they didn't have sex. It happened a night after a halloween party and she spent the night (my brother was not there). The next morning, she was sleeping in my son's room and he went in there while I was in the shower and they were talking and one thing led to another and they apparently both figured out what the heck they were doing and stopped (or maybe I shut off the shower and they freaked, I don't know) Anyway, she went home and told my brother what happened, and that is how I found out, he felt pushed into a corner to tell me.





Well....it has been a LONG and HARD road for me since then. I have sort of checked out of the relationship, a bad defense mechanism I am afraid. It's just easier cause this way if it happens again, I won't be as hurt, and let me tell you, I have never felt hurt like that before. I was blindsided.





Now, present tense....a couple of weeks ago my husband goes out with the guys to watch the red wings playoffs. Not big deal. Well, he doesn't get home until like 1am so I asked where he was and he tells me he called this friend he hasn't seen or spoke to in a couple of years and drove 20 miles out of his way to go see him. I was suspicious, he was very defensive and weird. So next morning I go and look for his cell phone - can't find it. Then I did find it and his whole history has been deleted. I confront him. He maintains that he went and saw this friend. I don't believe him and tell him when he is ready to tell the truth I will listen. Two days go by - he finally admits he lied. Said there were a couple of co-workers at the bar and he decided to stay. They were female co-workers, but he has gone out with female co-workers before and I've never had a problem with it, so I am not sure why the lie this time. I asked him and he says he panicked. I don't believe him - there is more to it and now I feel like we are right back to square one. UGH...what do I do now? I talked to one of the guys girlfriends that was at the bar that night and she says he left when they did, do I tell him that I know he left? I haven't said anything more about it. He says he said he was sorry and I need to let it go.....I can't!!!! PLEASE HELP ME....and sorry for this being so long!!! It's a long story.My husband had a ';fling'; with my brothers wife, now what?
Introduce his *** to your footMy husband had a ';fling'; with my brothers wife, now what?
get rid of his lieing cheating a** you an do way better then him expesially if you are faithful and nice :}
Well if your husband didn't think it was important enough to tell you then i think you should move on. If he did something like that with someone you know, who's to say he won't do it again with someone you don't know. He might even take it farther. (sexually)
bobbitize
Attention !


You should chop his nadgers off.
Obv your hubby never thought the marriage was worth it - if he behaves that way. And he doesn't care enough about ur feelings if he tells u to 'get over it'





Do you want to spend the rest of your life worrying about this ?





It even says in the Bible '; A man shalt not lie with his brother's wife';





You married an immoral loser. Sorry





Get a divorce. Take half the money and go on a vacation.
Well of course he says you should let it go, the more you snoop the more your finding out. Sounds like he met someone and had a one night stand or something like that. If he's daring enough to kiss your sister in law in your sons room while you were in the shower, how do you think he'll act while not in your home with you there? Sorry but he sounds like a scum bag, and a cheater. You need to tell him you know he's lying, he can either fess up or you leave, or do counseling or whatever it is that you want to do. I would leave if it were me, but that's just me. What ever you do, don't let it go!
Why are you with someone that you don't trust?





Either get into marriage counseling or get a divorce, you can not change what you don't acknowledge and sitting there doing nothing about the problem wont get you anywhere, so do something about it. You obviously do not trust him, he sounds like he is cheating (by the way, I think the sister in law and him did have sex, it doesn't make sense otherwise, that is a bunch of smoke up your @ss) And he probably cheated on you again that night. So you either start trusting him through marriage counseling or get a divorce.





Good Luck.
Now what? Now divorce, that's what.
He's trash. You sound like such a sweet girl. You are so hurt and trying so hard to build up the trust and then BAM......crushed again. You can go ahead and get ready, it will happen again, and again, and again, and again, and again........until you are finally, truly tired of it and leave. Sorry...it's so much easier said than done, but it is the absolute truth. Good Luck and God Bless You.
The trust in your relationship is gone, even though you thought it was fixed after the first incident, but your suspicions only prove that, that was never the case.


You may as well end the relationship now and save yourself a lot of future pain, because you will never fully trust him again.
....SPEECHLESS
Unfortunately, you may never know what happened that night.





But here's the thing...You can't live life being afraid. I did...for far too long, and it's EXHAUSTING. I was miserable.





Finally, I did let it go...And, the infidelity eventually presented itself. Yes, he was cheating.





My point is though...that I let it go. But it is true, that since I had my suspicions from before, I wasn't completely invested in the relationship with him. Just as you feel as though you've pulled away.





You can't help it. I believe it's a natural reaction.





You can make a choice...stay, and let it go. (Not right away, but do your best to put it in the past)...let it go, and live happily with him.





Or....





Leave. And make another life for yourself.





But what you shouldn't do is...be miserable for any longer than you have to. I say this...because I'm not young anymore.





I'm 40 now (As of 4days ago). I love that I am wiser to the ways of love, and life! But I hate the wrinkles! HA-HA!





I can tell you...I've had some regrets of my past. Most of those...are putting too much worth, in someone who didn't deserve it...being blind.





And...by being sad...wasting so much energy and time...into being scared, sad...and allowing those negative feelings, rule my life.





It's no way to be!! You can't control what he's going to do. You need to understand that! He's gonna do, what he's gonna do...without any control of yours.





So make the decision....It's not easy. But life is short My Sweetie...don't waste it being unhappy!
that was a long story long. not a long story short.


i can see that if you guys had issues in the past that he could be scared of setting something off but at the same time your relationship is done without trust and honesty. a lie is an insult to your intelligence and disrespectful. no matter how small. if he's doing things hes not wanting you ro find out then he shouldnt be doing them.


seems to me that his intentions are no good and you know what to do.
You really only have two options if you truly want to be happy:





1.) Leave him. He hurt you when he cheated, and there is always the chance he will do it again.





2.) If you believe in him, and think that he is capable of being 100% faithful, stay with him. Agree to discuss both of these events with him (and realize there may be more you don't know about.) Tell him you want to start over, and he has to be faithful from that point. He must own up to what he has done wrong and understand that he has lost your trust. If he wants to gain that back, he won't care to let you check his phone/email/whatever at random times. He should also avoid hanging out with female friends alone. (I would never impose this on a man who has been faithful, but the rules are a little different once he's lost your trust.) At this point, it might be beneficial to see a marriage counselor. I don't know if that's something you're interested in, but it's an option. You mentioned ';checking out'; of the relationship, and I understand your fears, but this is when it needs your attention most. If he refuses to cooperate with all of this, you should go right back to #1, because he doesn't care enough. However, if he complies with your wishes, take it as a sign that he really loves you and wants to save your marriage.
When we think we're being cheated on we always want to have hard proof but the thing is 'hard proof' is never enough. Lets say you would have found the number of a woman in that phone, you would still doubt he had sex with her. Lets say you would have found a phone number in the cell and hotel keys in his pocket! You would still want to hear it directly from him ........stop wanting physical proof to make a point. Your instinct is telling something is wrong because something IS wrong.





The real issue is the event with your sister in law. If this had never happened would you be uneasy about the fact he came in at 1 am? probably not as much. Your husband is accumulating unusual behaviors and at one point you will have to draw the line.





Always trust your instinct.
OMG for pete's sake leave him





why to spend your whole life with a cheater and liar
the thing is, if you're already emotionally checked out, then he's going to feel like ';oh well, it's already over, i might as well look for love elsewhere';


it's up to you. take charge, take your family back, force yourself to trust him. love him unconditionally, like you did when it was new. he'll see how much effort you're making and how willing you are to fix it, he'll make the effort too.


and i firmly believe that ignorance is bliss. if he wants to tell you one story, then believe him. dont go snooping around and confront him with other people's rumors. if nothing else, if he is lying, the guilt will eat away at him. and if he's telling the truth, then you're the boob.


i also believe that a man doesnt look elsewhere unless there was already something wrong in your relationship. a lot of my friends have sought marriage counceling and they're very happy with the results. they love and trust eachother again. they look at eachother like they're falling in love again. but then again, a lot of my friends didnt want to try, and now they're divorced. it's all choices and you have to be strong and make the right ones. you vowed to stand beside him even when he's down-and-out, until death did you part. did you marry a stranger or did you let your love go sour?





it breaks my heart that this ever happens. i count myself truely blesses that i found a man that only looks at me. i really hope you both can work this out! i'm rooting for you! (and if its not in your budget to get counceling, there's all kinds of classes at local churches to fix marriages. you dont have to have faith to seek help from a church.) good luck!
Get yourself a banjo and a corn cob pipe and you will fit right in with this bunch.
I don't understand your dilemma...you ';checked out'; of the relationship but are still expecting him to play by the rules? If you still love him and want to fix the problem then deal with the situation, don't continue to expect him to treat you as his loving wife and not give the same in return. If you cant forgive then i would say its time to move on, life is too short to spend with someone you cant trust. Hope this helps.