UGHH I really need help with this one!!!?

Alright, so I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now. really to be honest the only thing keeping me with him is im in love with him. why? idk. attachment issues. I know what everyones gonna say Ohhh leave him but thats not what i want to hear. I need to hear something other than that. So please if anyone can help me out please do so and dont be afraid to be honest.



So yeah Ive been with him for 3 years and i met him through some friends. well i didnt find out who he really was till about a year in. When i was already in love.I found out hes slept with like every girl Ive ever known from this area I moved to. And its not even like the girls were something. ALL OF THEM I MEAN ALL OF THEM were whores. and when i say whores i mean WHORES! not prostitutes tho. I cant get over the fact hes been with sooooo many people and they werent anything special. none of them were serious relationships. He's even slept with one of his guys girlfriends. Everytime we sleep together Im only doing it for him. I get nothing out of it because I cant get my mmind off if he's treating me the same way he treated them during sex. It really bugs me BAD!....I kindve was numb to it for a while. THEN! he found like a lil ''rap'' notebook he had where like he had all these little raps. well i read em and everyone had something about sexual things with a female! Im like okay?.... like where is ur mind? I feel like hes dirty and he really does disgust me. Im like for real starting to despise him. Hes not a good talker either cuz he knows I have a problem with it but when i bring it up he like lets me talk and when i wait for him to reply he'll stay quiet so for real if i stay quiet so will he and he'll just change the subject. he's never cheated on me and he dropped all his friends for me. He wont even go out anymore when I go out ill suggest he does too and he wont. he will never go ANYWHERE with his friends without me. But how come I dont trust him? I want to know how he was with his ex girlfriends. Am i wrong for that? I didnt get to kno him before we got together he claimed me like a week after I met him. So i never got to see him in action. All his friends tho r like omg i cant believe how he is with you cuz he used to be wild. he's total 180 tho but i feel like i can never trust him. Like i said before too hes not a good talker so if i have a problem with something n i try to talk he immediately thinks im arguing with him and changes the whole vibe from calm to tense. OH and he gives up really quickly over the stupidest things. He'll brake up with me and if I would leave he'd let me but its happend so many times I know hes gonna b like ohhh i love u! at the end of the day. but what if i really do walk out that door? it bothers me knowing he wouldnt come after me. please someone anyone what the hell do u think about this. theres so much more to it its ridiculous but im trying to keep to basics without going to deep in it.UGHH I really need help with this one!!!?
you should go out