Married and have been with my husband over 6yrs. I am just curious.. How do you break a bad cycle your in?

I have been with my husband for a long time. I have always struggled with feeling insecure. Very insecure. Him and I have been through a lot together including cheating and all that crappy stuff. Even abuse but that has since stopped. We have a 3 yr old together and another baby on the way due in a couple months. Lately I have been having that bad feeling of ';he's up to the bull**** again..'; and its making me miserable.


Honestly I love him to death but feel like a mom to him. I constantly try to control what he's doing and who with and it's not something I want to keep doing.. I dont know what to do to change this tho?


He goes to bars with the one guy friend of his that is a P.O.S for lack of a better term and then lies to me about going.. when i find out which I almost always do cause this guys girlfriend is a friend of mine.. He tells me, ';I just lied to you cause I didn't want you to freak out and to have a big fight..';


My biggest problem is this:


I am at home... Alone pregnant with our 3 yr old daughter. I dont go out. I don't get to have me time ever. I feel so lonely when he does this to me and then when he turns it on me saying I am the reason he lies etc.. that makes me feel worse.


I want to not care so much about what he does and who he does it with. I want to be able to say do whatever and not get upset.. but I always feel like he's a totally different person when he's with his guy friends and since he cheated on me I feel that, that much worse.


I dont believe in divorice and I truly do love him.


I just want to figure out what to do to get past this.. to have a husband wife relationship and not this mother/son relationship.


I feel so... idk.. trapped.. I have no job.. I stopped school to stay home with my daughter and when i was ready to go back I found out I was pregnant again.. I have no money of my own.. and nowhere to go.


And if that isnt pathetic enough.. Im very much in love with him but I feel as if my heart is kinda hard towards him now. Like I don't even feel heart broken anymore when I find out he lied about this or that .. or even when i think back to our daughters first birthday when i went out of town and he went to some bar and cheated on me with a girl he didnt know...


:(


Maybe its just me being pregnant and down..


Maybe not. either way i do know I need to get myself in a better place or when this little boy comes I will get depressed.


My husband and I are not enemies. In fact we are best friends and I am sure that he feels the same and loves me the same..


its just he pulls and I push and we end up like this and I dont know how to stop it.








:( just tryin to figure it out...


thanks guysMarried and have been with my husband over 6yrs. I am just curious.. How do you break a bad cycle your in?
That's a tough one. I believe in marriage too, and see divorce as an option in only 2 scenarios: infedility and abuse.





It sounds like you could have the latter, even if it's not currently happening.





Basically I'm hearing that he's been abusive, dishonest and hasn't been respectful of you. These are huge red flags! I think honesty, communiction and respect are the pillars of a relationship!! In fact, being ';in love'; is quickly moving out of top position for me. It's not that I don't love being in love, or see it as a requisite to marriage, but there are so many other huge qualities that play a role.





What to do? I honestly don't know. I think it would be unrealistic to expect this guy to suddenly change into an honest, mature adult. He is what he is. The quesiton is can you live with that?





When my friends are questioning their relationship I always ask them the same question: ';If the relationship NEVER changed. If it stayed EXACTLY the same from here on out, would that be okay with you? Could you stay?';





Because that's reality. Basing your happiness on what COULD be or expecting the other person to change...it's unrealistic. It's a fantasy.





I don't believe in divorce, but I also don't believe in subjecting children to bad home environments. A father who parties all the time and is abusive to their mother is a bad environment. I think they could be better off if you married someone else, someone who treated you with the utmost respect and made you and your children a priority.





Good luck!Married and have been with my husband over 6yrs. I am just curious.. How do you break a bad cycle your in?
It's the hormones.
He's a dick-end of story.


While he's out f*cking around, you should go to your parents house, or a relative's house %26amp; stay there for awhile.


Tell your folks everything that's going on %26amp; try to get a job so you can support yourself %26amp; your family.


Get separated %26amp; see how that feels %26amp; even though you don't believe in divorce, it might be better for you %26amp; your family.
how about you talk to him and let him know how you feel... if you are such best friends there should be no problem
He cheated and in doing so he took away your trust.


He will never earn it back 100%


Without trust your relationship cannot grow.


I guess the only way to get past this is to not try and change him
You know, this is so typical, and I truly feel sorry for the place that you have found yourself. I applaud the fact that your willing to try so hard to keep this marriage, but to be honest, your the only one trying. He is still just a kid and behaves like one. So your not only raising your children your raising a husband. He needs to have the rug pulled out from him and then maybe he will wake up and see what he is about to lose. To do that, you will need to file for divorce, although, that does not mean you have to follow through with it. Maybe, when he is served the papers it will scare him and he will make some life changing events, and then you will finally have what you deserve. Good luck.
Sometimes divorce is the best way to stay friends. Staying together for the children is the best way to have your children see the trouble that your marrage is really in. It's time to move on and let him do his thing,since that's what he's doing anyway.
You are expecting to change his behavior, and you can't. He will be that way forever, mainly because a man will only treat you the way that you allow him to treat you. So he knows this behavior will fly.





GET BACK IN SCHOOL! After our 1st daughter, I was at home and my husband was working. I felt like I was going crazy. So instead of trying to get a job, I went back to school. It's only a couple hours a day, and it will raise your spirits tremendously. Plus, with financial aid you can get loans and other grants to help u get out of this relationship and on your feet.





It's a little of being pregnant, but a lot of his bogus actions. For the record, you are not best friends at all. Let's not kid each other, not even a little bit. You don't hurt your best friend, period. And you're not sure he ';feels the same and loves'; you the same because his actions are saying the opposite.
i wish i had one dollar for every husband that lies about what's he doing and for every lonely sad wife.


my husband lies so much i don't believe a word he says anymore, it is sad, and he has so much freedom he works overseas!!!not military.


what has happened is i have lost all respect for him and that is bad.


all i can say is please talk to a pastor --ask his advise, get sound wisdom. then compromise with your husband he only goes out one night a week. believe it or not this is a spiritual battle we face.
Since you don't believe in divorce the only thing you can do is to learn to live with this selfish, lying, cheating s.o.b. and realize that your children are learning from his horrific behavior. You do need to be in a better place and if your husband loved you as much as you think he loves you he wouldn't be putting you through this crap. Think about your children if you're not willing to think about yourself.
First of all...you cannot control what he does not matter what. He could go to work and have an affair...there is just no way to control another person...if they are going to cheat they will cheat no matter what you say or do.





He has proven that he is a liar and an untrustworthy person...your insecurity is natural and will probably be there for the rest of your life. If you want to stay married to him, that is your choice but realize that you cannot change another person.





Try going to counseling on your own to overcome the hurt and resentment that you feel.